


Beautiful memories

by SassyGrape



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Christmas Fluff, M/M, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyGrape/pseuds/SassyGrape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time and Levi isn't very fond of the thought of caroling under the christmas tree. Not even spending the evening with his best friend Erwin can bright up his mood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if my writing isn't perfect or neat, unfortunately English isn't my native language.  
> Either way, enjoy this cheesy story :)  
> Of course, the characters Erwin, Levi, Hanji, Nanaba and Mike belong to Hajime Isayama. The others are fictional characters which have no relation to real People.

20th December  
He really benefited from the icy cold outside. It was the perfect reason to stay in his flat and not get a Christmas tree or buy presents. Still, it were four full days until Christmas. And of course, there were holidays after that as well. Luckily, he thought, I work at a hospital, so I won't have to deal with all these days at home. He would attent work, take care of the patients and control the cleanliness of the rooms. And that's all he wanted to do.  
It was when he helped himself having a nice cup of black tea as his cellphone rang. Quickly glancing over to the clock, twenty to ten. "Who the hell calls that late? It's fucking night already", he muttered to himself but answered the call anyway. "Ackermann."  
"You still haven't me in your contacts, right, Levi?", a dark voice chuckled on the other end.   
Mustn't let him know, Levi thought - to his surprise he felt a bit guilty. His long time friend and colleague Erwin Smith should definitely be in his contacts by now. But somehow the black haired man hadn't managed to do this up to now. "How would you know? I always answer with my surname", he almost growled into the mobile. "Why do you call that late?"  
"Nothing serious. Just wanted to let you know that there's a Christmas tree sale tomorrow at Walmart. Thought you might want to buy one, since you don't have one by now", Erwin went on.  
"Why would I need a Christmas tree?" He raised his eyebrow in a sarcastic manner, eventhough Erwin couldn't see him. A single waterdrop fell from his freshly washed black hair onto the tip of his nose. Wiping it away, he wondered why Erwin seemed to love Christmas so much. And Easter. And almost every holiday there was. Just what was wrong with the guy to cheer for all this childish and cheesy stuff?  
"Because it's Christmas, Levi", Erwin softly said. "And therefor you need a Christmas tree."  
What a shitty reason, the carer thought to himself. 

21st December  
The more he surprised himself as he found himself walking through the snow the next day. It still was bitterly cold but without the wind. A pale sun shone down from the pastel blue sky. Levi pulled his coat tighter around him, cursing himself for forgetting to put on his earmuffs. He'd forgotten how cold it could get once he had to stay outside for more than ten minutes. His ears would fucking fall off at the end of this terrible day, he was sure of it.   
In front of him was a sea of Christmas trees, and they all looked the same. Big and green and spiky. Eventhough Levi had to admit he rather liked the scent of the fir trees and spruces. It reminded him of his childhood, the rare times he'd spent with his uncle who had lived in a small village, right at the side of a huge forest. In winter it had smelled almost like that. A bit like resina, soil and nature and comfort.   
As he realized what he'd just thought about, Levi shrugged his shoulders to get rid of his memories. He had to buy a Christmas tree. In any other case Erwin would never stop to ask him to buy one.   
And why the fuck am I doing this anyway? It's not like he'll visit me on Christmas, the black haired man murred internally. Not that he cared. He didn't need to celebrate these holidays with anybody at all. But it would sure be nice to have someone around. And Erwin was his best friend. So there's that. But Levi also knew that Erwin had a shitload of friends and also a mother to visit in these days of benevolence.   
"Mister, may I help you?"  
Levi looked up - realizing he'd stared at his feet for at least two minutes straight - into the reddened face of a brunette teenage girl.   
"Do you want to buy a Christmas tree?", the girl tried once more, oblivious of his abstraction.  
"Uhm... yes", he finally said. "A small one."  
"Fir or spruce?", she asked, pointing at different trees. "Firs are very popular, their needles aren't that spiky and they don't fall of that fast. But the spruces are cheaper." After she'd finished explaining that, she stared at Levi, waiting for an answer.   
I honestly have no idea which one to take, the Ackermann thought. And all this just because I want Erwin to stop asking me to buy one. Which one, for fucks sake?   
"Mister, if I were you, I'd buy a fir, even if they're a bit more expensive. You see, they have this typical Christmas tree smell and you won't have too much trouble with the needles messing up your floor", the girl offered an advice.   
"Just give me the smallest fir you have", Levi finally sighed. What the hell am I doing with a Christmas tree? I don't even have decoration. This is absurd.


	2. What's with all the lights

22nd December 

That tree was a fucking annoyance to Levi, in its way to lay aorund in the living room, taking up so much space. A nice scenting annoyance, one, which reminded him not only of his uncle but also of the many small Christmas Eves' at home, cozy but full of deprivation. His mother had worked very hard to gather the little things he'd wanted for Christmas. It had always been the smallest and pitiablest spruce, only a few red candles and two gifts underneath the tree. One for little Levi and one for his mother. He remembered that, at these times in his past, the whole place had smelled like selfmade gingerbread and cookies and candle wax. In a way, eventhough it always were kind of sad evenings, he'd loved them. He'd had his mother on his own, on this one day in the year she needn't go to work, away from him.   
All this thoughts crossed his mind as he walked past the tree in his bright and clean living room. And he had to walk past that tree a lot, since the living room was also the center of his apartement.   
I'm going to just let it lay here, he thought rather unmotivated. For some reason he didn't want to bring back more of these memories. As nice as they were, his mothers' death still hurt him a lot. A Christmas alone, with a tree and everything, would bring back these feelings way too much - eventhough he eversince tried to seal them away. With medicore success. At work nobody would even guess something that terrible had happened to him. But at home he was alone with his thoughts. He had to admit, just to himself, that the reason he worked that hard and much was to not be alone too much. It was nice to have a bit distraction.

As he walked to the bus stop, Levi realized how many shops had Christmas decoration in their windows to attract customers. The colourful lights, the artificial snow and evergreen branches sure spread almost a magic flair. The frozen snow crunched underneath Levis' black boots as the young man stared into the clouded sky, snowflakes lazily wafting in the air towards the ground. One landed on his reddened nose, staying there for a second. The Ackermann looked at it as it melted, leaving nothing but small wet spot. He wiped it away. In these days before the holidays it seemed especially important to have friends or family, elseway one could become depressed quite fast, he understood. Levi felt genuinely glad to have his friends at work who'd brighten up his mood in no time.   
The vibration of his cellphone got him at surprise since he'd spent the last five minutes in his own thoughts. Levi didn't even look at the display. "Ackermann."  
"Good morning, Levi", Erwins' velvet voice greeted Levi. "Did you change your mind?"  
"Tch." I shouldn't give him this satisfaction. "Nope", he replied, his breath almost freezing in the cold.   
"You should get one."  
Silence on both sides, until Levis' bus arrived. "I'll think 'bout it", he just said, hung up, got on the bus and sat down. This guy, he wondered, why the hell is he so fucking persistent? It's not like I buy HIS damn tree! He better has his fucking own!

23rd December

Cursing under his breath, Levi unpacked the stuff he'd bought after his shift yesterday. After seeing the shopwindows he'd decided to decorate his tree at least as festive as the others were. Even if it meant to deal with his memories. Even if it meant to be alone on Christmas, sitting in front of a glittering, red and golden shimmering tree. Now that he had bought a tree for that occasion, he had to go through with it. The fairy lights were the first thing he put onto the tree. They threw a warm light onto him, changing the whole atmosphere of the room. For a short time, while silently decorating the tree and listening to the radio (which never played one single non-Christmas-song these days, he thought), Levi felt like a 6 year old again. He felt joyous as he put the golden and red baubles onto the branches, he even hummed along a Christmas carol as he threw the lametta onto the tree. The last act of decoration was the golden treetop-decoration.   
After more than an hour of decorating Levi allowed himself to look at the whole Christmas-tree with turned on fairy lights - and for a moment he could her his mothers shy and lovely laughters. He imagined Erwin dropping by, laying an arm around his shoulders, saying: Thank you for this Christmas.  
His heart grew warm at these images in his mind, an unwitting smile gracing his delicate face.  
Realising what he'd thought of, Levi "ugh"ed, shrugged his shoulders and went back into his kitchen, to prepare his dinner. Why on earth would he want Erwin to see his tree? Just because they were best friends? They'd never celebrated Christmas or Easter or anything together. Nor had Erwin ever cared about Levi buying a tree or easter basket before. So why now? Maybe, Levis' mind worked on, he really wants to visit me this year? But what if he does?  
Slowly chewing on his bread and cheese, the Ackermann pondered more.  
If he actually DOES come over, I have nothing here to offer him. I don't have enough food for two - except if I'm willing to starve for two days straight. But it's Christmas time, I don't even have cookies. I should buy some, Erwin loves speculoos. I bet he can eat a whole pack on his own.   
Levi grinned softly at that thought - then shock hit him.  
I don't have a present for him. Shit.


	3. Let's remember this

24th December

The whole surgery departement was decorated with baubles, golden garlands and branches which were draped around the doors to the patients rooms. From the speakers soft Christmas songs were echoing throuch the aisles to give the people who had to stay here on this day at least a bit of a festive feeling. As Levi entered the staff room, only his long time friend Mike - an internist of whom it's said he could smell diabetes and hormonal induced sicknesses - sat around, a damping cup of coffee in front of him.  
"Morning, Mike", Levi greeted, starting to prepare his black tea.  
Mike just looked up from his favourite newspaper The Economist. "You missed Hanjis' Christmas parade", he stated, matter-of-factly.  
"What'd he do?" Every year Hanji, the renowned gastroenterologist, tried to brighten up the mood of the patients with a small parade. He, some carers and other, younger doctores, would dress themselves up as Christmas elves and visit every patient to give them Christmas greetings. In between they'd sing "Jingle Bells" or "The Holly and the Ivy" and more. "The same as every year?"  
"Yup. This year he finally wore a Santa Claus costume", Mike grinned and put away his newspaper.  
"About damn time", the black haired man smirked. Eventhough he thought Hanji to be kind of tiring at some times, Levi really liked the way Hanji understood to cheer people up. And also, he knew how to explain illnesses to people in a coherent way. "When does your shift end?"  
"At 1 p.m.. Rota says you're on shift with Erwin today. You're not going to work extra hours, as much as I heard", the brown haired man replied, starting to cut an apple. "Do you have plans for tonight?"  
"Not really. Maybe watch some TV." Levi was impressed by himself. He sounded so very casual about it, he almost believed himself. "What about you?"  
"Guess I'll visit my family. Got invited by Nanaba, so maybe I'll spend the rest of the evening with her."  
As Levi wanted to reply, the door opened and Erwin almost stormed in. His blond hair was well-groomed and his blue eyes sparkled. "Good morning!"  
"Morning Erwin", Mike greeted and offered his colleague a slice of juicy red apple.  
"Thanks." Sitting down, Erwin sighed deeply, then bit into the fruit. "You know", he then went on, giving Levi a short smile, "what really irritates every year?"  
"The knowledge you get wrinkles?", Levi grinned.  
"Dunno. Share your wisdom with us." Even the rather silent Mike smirked.  
"On Christmas, people want to go home so badly, they rather die at home, instead of being here. They'd rather die on Christmas instead of staying alive in hospital. Isn't that crazy?" He raked his long fingers through his thick hair, grabbed Mikes' coffee and took a sip. "Seriously, they just think about themselves. Not a single family member wants their relatives at home if there's a risk they might die."  
"Erwin?"  
"Yes, Levi?" His sky blue eyes locked with Levis' grey ones.  
"You really want to bother yourself with that?" Because I don't want you to be sad or irritated on Christmas Eve. Not because our patients think it's clever to go home for half a day. 

They had their last round that day at 5p.m. and it was already dark outside. The patient was a 24-year old girl, suffering from heart- and headache of still unknown origin. Due to the analgesics her pain wasn't that bad so she was able to talk and walk around the whole day. Now she lay in bed, her dark skin shimmering in the light of the Christmas decoration.  
"Well, hello Miss Curtis. How are you doing?", Erwin asked as he entered the room. Levi closed the door behind them, with one glance checking the room if anything was missing or dirty. But everything seemed to be okay. He was glad - that meant a bit less work for him and he by now was eager to go home and eat some of the cookies himself.  
"Just fine, Dr. Smith", the young woman replied, a smile gracing her full lips. "How're you, Levi? I'm your last patient today, so you better be fine!"  
"Perfectly fine", he replied, winking at her. She was by far his favourite "guest" as he liked to call them. Eileen Curtis was smart, funny and outspoken - characteristics which were quite uncommon these days.  
"Yes, you're our last patient, Miss Curtis, but unfortunately we'll have to take another blood sample, do an ECG and perform an ultrasonography of the stomach", Erwin explained, while smiling encouragingly at the young woman.  
"And if I discharge myself right now? Will you be able to spend more time with your boyfriend, Dr. Smith?", she wondered.  
"Boyfriend?" His thick eyebrows rose.  
He has a boyfriend?, Levi wondered. Why don't I know about this? Did he keep it a secret?  
"Yes, of course. Levi, your boyfriend." She threw both men sarcastic glances. "Did you think you can hide this from me? Honestly, I study Psychology. I gotta know stuff like that."  
"Ehrm, Miss Curtis... he's not my boyfriend", Erwin started, but got put off by her.  
"What's your opinion on that, Levi?"  
"We're merely best friends." But why have I a hard time not blushing at the thought of Erwin being my boyfriend? Why do I have to bite the insides of my cheeks to not grin sheepishly?  
"Yeah, still, I feel way better now. Get me the document so I can discharge myself. It's Christmas and I want to spend it at home."  
Erwin just shook his head, sending Levi to fetch the paper they needed in this case. "You see, Miss Curtis, this isn't the best decision."  
"You see, doctor, you should really hit on him."  
Erwin opened the window to hide the fact that his face was burning.

After he took a shower, Levi sat in front of his lit Christmas tree, a cup of hot glogg in his hands, in front of him a plate full of different cookies and speculoos. In the background his radio played the most common Christmas songs. Right now "Last Christmas" was on and the Ackermann had some trouble to not really get into it and actually start crying. Because, if he wanted to be honest with himself, he didn't want to be alone tonight. He wanted someone to share this cozy feeling, to not look back and think: That's my alone time. He wanted someone to talk to, to lean on to. I want to be relevant to somebody.  
Slowly sipping from his cup, his gaze wandered to the window. Outside, thick snowflakes seemed to almost caress the glass as they slid down to melt. Others fell onto the street to build a layer of whiteness which would mute every step for the next few hours.  
Underneath his tree there was only one carefully packed gift.


	4. Keep it in your heart

24th December / Part 2

It was half past ten as his doorbell rang. With reddened and tired eyes Levi shuffled towards the door. "Who there?"  
"It's me." A softly smiling Erwin-face appeared in front of the eyelet. "May I come in?"  
Why is he here?, Levi wondered in his sleepy mind, but opened the door. "Sure thing, feel at home." He walked behind Erwin, catching himself staring at his colleagues broad shoulders, his glistening blond hair. I bet it feels silky.  
"I'm sorry it's that late, but my mother had a lot to tell", the doctor said as he arrived at the living room. He wanted to add something - but at that moment he saw the Christmas tree. His bright eyes grew big with joy and a wide genuine smile showed his white teeth. "You bought a tree! It's beautiful!!"  
"You think so?" Why do I feel so fucking insecure? And why does it mean so much to me that Erwin thinks my tree looks nice?  
"Of course." There Erwin started rummaging in his leather bag, finally pulling something out of it. "I'm sorry if it's a bit damaged. Here, take it."  
Levi wasn't sure if it was a blush on Erwins' face or just the light, but the doctor seemed to be sort of excited to say the least. His face almost glowed. At the same time the Ackermann was staggered that he just got a present. From another person. Like, not from his employer, but from a friend. He'd gotten his last Christmas-gift from his mother. And that had been a long time ago.  
"Th-thank you." Levi didn't even have the will or power to "Tch" at that. This moment was too pure and scarce.  
"Open it!" Now the blond man seemed to be very excited.  
"Okay. But... well, I've got one for you, too!!" With that, Levi went to the tree, grabbed the gift from the ground and almost pushed it into Erwins' warm hands. "Merry Christmas, Erwin."  
"Merry Christmas, Levi."  
Both unpacked the gifts in silence, the only light were the fairy lights on the tree, intesified by the golden baubles.  
Levi was the first to see his whole gift from Erwin, and it almost took his breath. He had a hard time staying cool. Or at least he thought he had a hard time doing this. He held a key in his hands. The key to Erwins' flat. With a note, on which his friend had scrabbled the code for the alarm-system. Did this mean he could go and visit Erwin whenever he wanted to? Shyly he glanced over to his long time best friend. This was by far the best Christmas for a veeery long time for him.  
"You like it?", the doctor asked, nervously.  
"A lot." Not to say I love it!  
"Turn it around", Erwin asked, pointing at the note.  
Curiously, Levi did as told. There was more written on it. With furrowed brows the Ackermann read it.

Utsukushī omoide

They remain vivid to us  
Like all too real dreams  
Sometimes losing their colours  
but never their warm gleams

Within the blink of an eye  
Roses’ scent fills the room  
Conjuring them makes time fly  
As they cause hearts to bloom

Did he write it himself?, Levi wondered, cautiously looking at the doctor. If so, he's put a lot of work into it. It's beautiful. The black haired man knew this poem probably wasn't as fine as one written by Holmes, Campell or even Shakespeare, but still he could feel how much effort was put into these lines. "Did you write this?"  
Erwin just nodded, this time Levi was sure he saw a blush. He himself felt his cheeks burning, never before had someone written a poem for him! And such a pretty one! There he realised that Erwin hadn't unpacked his present.  
"Open yours!"  
"Okay." Then he went on unwrapping the present. Taking away the last piece of wrapper, his eyes began to sparkle and he couldn't help but chuckle. In his hand he held the key to Levis' flat.  
And before Erwin could restrain the urge, he bent forward to kiss Levi onto his blushed cheek. "You're always welcome. Merry Christmas."  
This was Levis' favourite memory in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this little fanfiction! I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing :)  
> To all of you:  
> I wish you a very merry and peaceful time!


End file.
